SHEDAWAY

2012-01-29T23:27:00.000+08:00

I just found someone I've always wondered where he have gone to.

Someone I last talk to when I was 9.

His features still look as good as before but his appearance scares me.

hahahahahahaha

btw I can't wait for next sat to come.

I CAN'T WAIT...

2012-01-11T15:05:00.000+08:00

How is one supposed to feel while feeling both physically and mentally weary.

How is one going to enter his/her next phase of life when even the next step is unknown,

I cannot accept too much uncertainty, I always make sure of what I'm heading to but the fact is when the next step holds too little room for me to make my own decision, I will hate myself so fucking much.

Should I even fight for myself?

2011-12-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

I miss you so much.

The feeling is so different, less anticipation but I worried more than ever.

please b back soon

School projects

2011-11-29T16:24:00.000+08:00

Some they work that is driven by passion will outshine others,
I've no passion in doing what I'm doing right now so I supposed I'm not going to do well.

2011-11-28T15:49:00.000+08:00

My awesome weekend just ended, I'm back in class.
Sitting behind my laptop, brainstorming for ideas and trying to state down informations.
There's so many planning to do. I'm lost in thoughts.

I can't wait for another weekend to come and later another 2 weeks.

Urge

2011-11-22T14:37:00.000+08:00

The idea of having a nice tattoo on my waist haven left me since Pri 5/6.
However I just can't do it, maybe I don't have a reason of doing so, maybe I just haven find the right image/ word that is meaningful enough.
Or maybe I just don't have the courage to do so.
But of course, to have beautiful waist tattoo, you'll need a waist sexy enough.
I just don't have it yet and if I have, I'll have to maintain it.

This is so random

Inspiration

2011-11-22T01:32:00.003+08:00

Timing, place and people coexist, each playing a part in affecting our life.

Giving the right people coming in at the wrong time, we would most probably missed the chance

of meeting or be together no matter how hard each try.

Giving an extreme example, a couple deeply in love 100 years back might not get the chance of matrimonial because decisions lies in the hand of the parents, they have no say at all.

I once read a poem written by my 12 years old student, here's a sentence that etched in my mind

"If I'm wrong, let me learn by my own mistakes, not yours.

Don't tell me what's right, my life are filled with experiences I've yet explore."

Many times, I take examples of others as an inspirations to be better therefore what they do affects me in certain ways. There are times they ruin my perfect pictures, causing me to feel very demoralize and uncertain of my future. Today, after talking to a friend and reflecting from the above quote, it bring me to this critical point of understanding everyone have their problem and their ways of solving it, it might not always be the story ending I had in mind but it might not be the worst for them as well, it could be a twist for a better ending.

Like the sentence above, I should learn from my own experiences and accept possibilities I've yet open up to. I need to be more independent and of course, keeping the right motivations to keep me going especially when time, place and people are complementing each other well now.

2011-11-14T13:23:00.000+08:00

11 more days, I can't wait for 25th to come.
I'm counting down every single day, wishing the clock would do some mercy.
I'm looking forward for him to come back, not in the desperate manner. In fact, I'm curious to see how he have become although changes isn't going to b extreme & I'm excited to see him in uniform.

To deal with being a "part time" single and not cry in misery, I packed my time as tight as possible.
SCHOOL,WORK,DANCE,FRIENDS, HOUSEWORK, OUTING.
Everyday is a busy day so I will not have much time to let my mind run wild.
I guess this is the best solution, a win-win situation.

teamwork

2011-11-08T12:41:00.000+08:00

Not that I'm always politically right or have every answers to every questions,
I do not think it's a good things for high achievers to snatch chance or credit, especially when you work as a group. Everyone should have a fair share to present. It is agonizing to me that despite the effort put to fill in ideas and points for others to work on, someone come and tell me that I got it wrong and he have more to present. I redo my research for that to realize I'm not entirely wrong but you want to stand up among your group mates.

Secondly, it's uncomfortable to a female when a male invade her comfort zone physically. I don't mean by touching her but standing or leaning so close to the extend she can smell what he had for supper the night before, the breath that can wake the dead and cause human tsunami.

It's the bad breath issues all over again.
I shall try my best to curb my urge to drown him in

2011-10-30T16:02:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in high profile personal life so I cannot understand how one would love publicizing personal content to the world.

I hope you read

2011-10-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

To you,

We have been spending a lot of time together, you are part of my inner social circle that I consider you as someone closer. We may have different values and personality but tolerance and patience is the power that keep us on the right track.

However I really want you to understand the different between being frank and being rude, jokes and personal attacks. You make me feel like you are trying to put me down just to feed your ego so that you will feel better, what am I to you? I hate it when I have to use words like "shut up" right in your face or having to ask "what's wrong with you" angrily, I never like to do that to a friend but I actually did that to you within a day and that's not how things suppose to be. I just hope you understand and be more sensitive towards people around. You don't have to change for me but if you need to say something that is not going to be nice, i rather you keep it to yourself, i dont want to hate you, not even dislike.

Other than that, I constantly remind you about your work not because I want to feel in charge or bossy, your results will not affect me but seeing you cry because you didn't do well matters. I know that my tone are harsh at times, in fact I'm bad at expressing myself to you and I often annoyed you. I just want you to know that you are still a friend I find worth keeping so don't let these matters ruin our friendship.

I really wish you will pass by here soon.

2011-10-24T00:10:00.000+08:00

16 more days to smelly's enlistment
a month more to mommy's birthday
6 more months to getting longer hair
7 more months to graduation

each second carrying more responsibilities.
i want to earn my first million before 25.

2011-10-13T12:02:00.000+08:00

I don't want to become a nobody.

But when it comes to days like now, it just sucks because I'm one.

To you, to him, to her, to them.

Being a negative person I am, I've got nothing to share.

2011-09-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been doing quite a lot of cleaning and packing things around my house, it really breaks my heart when i have to throw my stuff away because they are torn, old or damage.
I really suspect that I have slight OCD because im actually hoarding to many things which I find still useful like my primary school exercise books which still contain a few available pages. I tried to sent some for recycling and give them away(if they are useful but i don't need them) but it's not helping much because my shelve, study area and drawer still look like a warehouse because I keep convincing myself that I will need them;(

While packing my house I realise I actually have enough paper clips, erasers, pencils, notebook to last me a lifetime. I've got 2 new sketchbook and lots of A3 paper that is turning yellow. Now my goal is to sort out everything I should keep and what I must remove by this holiday.

SMELLY I NEED YOUR HELP.

Since i last blog

2011-09-19T23:26:00.001+08:00

back to blog abt my annoying life now while i air dry myself before i bath,
I just came back from dance prac, still sweaty and smelly.

I had a busy weekend, spending time with people I love,
my best friend, bf and sisters.
It's BBQ with fun, love and laughter, the first time going to get all the food and equipments tgt.
Truly, good thing comes in pair, btr things come in double pair.
Then watching movie with my siblings on Sunday before my sis leave Korea for a week, lucky girl.
My little sis nags like my mom when we spent too much money with her arnd and tt can be funny and annoying at the same time.

Speaking of getting annoyed, I hate talking on the phone with the other party talking as if it was a chore.
The fact that I do not force you to talk to me and got your brain fry by the phone's heat give you no right to vent your annoyance on me, imagine trying hard to build a conversation from nth to something and all you get is the other party's reluctant and annoyed tone, how will you feel?
Next time you tell me straight that you dislike talking on the phone and i'll end the conversation.

Guess that I'm being ridiculous again but my heart do ache every time this happen & I have to clean up the mess in me when angry thoughts keep running in my head. I hate to admit that I feel demoted every time someone do this to me...
Goodnight.

2011-08-25T13:21:00.000+08:00

A long journey with its path change now and then under different circumstances.
A life affected by decisions, the one before affecting the one after.
Thus the future remain unknown, the only thing within control is the decision one can make at the present knowing what is right and wrong.

My current decision is to focus on P6.
It'll b over v soon.

Realisation

2011-08-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

Today I've learnt one should never live under other's wings.
I've also see the true side of human and know there can never be fairness.
A child should never depend on his/her parents, a wife cannot solely depend on her husband.
A poor sibling probably not worth more than peanuts, no matter how independent he/she is.
At least for now I understand, being financially dependent can earn you some respect.
However I am now very uncertain if kinship worth more than hard cold cash because it's somehow revealed to me, it does.

2011-08-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

I don't know why but i suddenly thought of this.
As girls, most of us enjoy shopping and quite a number of us have the luxury to wear nice new clothes often. I have 2 younger sister, i share my clothes with the one slightly younger than me.

Sometimes we have arguments because of clothes/bags/shoes/makeup & it can get really noisy when we start quarreling.

Imagine if i have a twin sister.
we might be in an arguement because .......I USED HER PICTURE AS DISPLAY PIC.
okay, too bored and hungry now.

i wished im a little like smelly that i can eat alone.

2011-08-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

Because the sky is so dull and rainy today, it makes my day exceptionally sleepy and moody.
Not that I want to complain and tweet bad things about people or speak behind their back but this particular person really make me feel so annoyed I don't mind saying everything I felt in her face.

How can someone become so big headed and I can really see that her head is growing to the size of her butt.
my goshh! the last time i actually blog bad things about people other than smelly(hehehe) is quite a long time ago.
SHE SO ANNOYING!!

2011-08-02T00:36:00.002+08:00

sigh...
not good enough mean gotta work harder.
i want to be good enough at something because now im pretty useless.

annoyed

2011-07-30T00:00:00.001+08:00

canyoubemoresensitiveandatleastaskbeforebrowsingthroughmythings.
thrarethingsthatikeeptomyselfandiwillnevershare.
notmyaccountemailorevenmydrawer.

now that i dont even feel like talking

2011-07-27T23:34:00.000+08:00

Why do I feel so insecure about myself lately,
I know I'm upset with certain things that happen
lately but it is just so difficult to say it out.
Sometimes hiding so many feelings and thoughts makes
me miserable, ashamed.
How I hope every time I share a problem, there will
forever be someone to tell me he/ she understand.

Sunset on the plane

2011-07-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

Have you ever seen a sunset on the plane?

They are as beautiful as heaven I've imagine it to be.

Will blog about the trip soon.

2011-06-23T10:52:00.000+08:00

Thick powder layered on my face early in the morning,
temper as fiery as McSpicy(okay not fiery at all).

Breakfast in the office,
vege and cold milo.
I'm gonna freeze.
so many weeks of coffee, milo taste suddenly taste so good.
second last day of attachment, 4 more days to china trip.
Can't wait=P
will miss smelly n my family n the other love ones.

2011-06-22T16:25:00.000+08:00

Spending quality time with you helps recharge my mood for the entire week.
For all the good things, bad things and weird things, i'll love you.

Although I cant exactly define what if love by words, but I can feel what I truly care abt.

2011-06-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

What I think about male korean bands?

A bunch of useless kids with good look but hardly any talent so as to speak if they run solo.
No different from those man who doesnt know shame, leeching money from females.
The only male species with 3mm thick foundation that crack anytime.
Stupid, I wouldnt want to work so hard without rest with such meagre pay.
Pussies, I bet more than half of them will jump up on the chair when they see a tiny cockroach.

C'mon fan girls, start using your brain, can you please take them out of your drawer?
You see, once every 3 months, there's a new band out.
Are they good looking(I assume with the help of thick make up and plastic surgery), YES.
Are they real talent that worth your time? NO!
Esp those crazy over Super Juniors(or any band more than 5).... 101 Dalmatians is much better, bigger in number too.

Of course there are still some goods that worth our time in the korean entertainment market too,
think tae yang. (Manly, cute, real talented)
So sad to see some girls forcing their parents to give them money to follow their idol's world tour.
Dumbasses.

SO ANNOYED BY THOSE KOREAN PUSSIES BAND.
I CAN'T WAIT TO DOODLE ON THEIR FACE ON THE MAGAZINES.

=P posting this in risk of being assault by hot headed korean fan girls.

Madness

2011-06-13T17:29:00.001+08:00

Second last week of internship, I'VE BEEN COUNTING DOWN EACH AND EVERYDAY.

When I've first stepped in the office, I was ask to sit in front of the boss and he was able to scrutinize my screen anytime, it was stress and i can't believe that I actually have the audacity to webcam. WTH right?
Anyway I don't know since when I wasn't really able to behave myself in front of teachers/lecturer/bosses/parents. Anyway I've been sent to sit real far from him, I guess he is disgusted by me. LOL

recently I've also been very capable of making a big fuss and drive people crazy, esp smelly.
I will kick the wall, keep my mouth shut(quite a challenge for me) then cry. I am also able to mental abuse my sister, call her phone several times if she don't come back before 10pm and force her to sleep with me because I couldn't stop imagining some figures walking arnd my room. I also refuse to turn off my dressing table light until I fall asleep and someone have to off it for me. I've also been buying tibits on impulse but I don't really eat them.

okay, that's me 2 weeks before internship ends.
Goodbye

2011-06-11T08:18:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

It doesnt feel right now.
I don't want a life of regrets.

So can you teach me what to do?

Researching

2011-06-10T10:28:00.002+08:00

Today while doing my researching,

I found many ugly website with horrible layout, information jumbling all around one stupid layout and unreadable font with badly matched colours.

HOW TO YOU EXPECT PEOPLE TO COME TO YOUR WEBSITE.

I think a plain word document will work so much better.

How can a simple piece of information be so not organize that I can conclude that the author had fail composition back in school.

BUT again....

beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
So I guess that's why the owner of the site didn't bother to do anything about it.

On a side note,

my baby hermit crab passed away ytd due to my gentleness of handling it while cleaning the tank.

I got so disgusted but the larva some mosquito decided to lay in my hermit crabs tank that I became violent.

Drink my blood and indirectly kill my crabs.

I will feed you to my spider (if i manage to catch you and a gigantic fighting spider)

2011-06-09T16:27:00.001+08:00

Im so sad and feel real stupid right now.
I've wasted my parents hard earned money again.
I got tricked into buying this useless piece of crap course and it cost so much but does not help and is not accessible at all.
Now I have to pay money again and i'm not even half rich to begin with.

SIYING you suck.
money is so hard to earn yet they cheat off my money just like that.

2011-06-07T10:18:00.001+08:00

Tormenting words.
They replay, replayed.
So many changes I'm losing grasp to adapt

just when I was having thoughts of giving up, I start to think.
How does it actually feel when things started?
I know I still want it.

2011-06-06T11:54:00.000+08:00

3 weeks left.
omgzxzxzxzx.
Gonna be fun just looking forward to it.
This morning is so comfortable i wish i dont have to wake up

2011-06-06T11:50:00.000+08:00

I am going to get another piercing next month.
Not new pierce but maybe repierce my my ear, the one that close up 3 or 4 weeks after i got them during sec 2/3?
so mad thinking about the reason why it is gone, Im so sick about it not balancing and im willing to go thru the pain once more.
The only thing that is sad about after piercing is that i have to avoid seafood for a while. That is going to be quite sad, I'm an avid seafood lover.

2011-06-03T23:12:00.000+08:00

I don't really know what was through my mind this morning.

Waking up much earlier than usual for an outdoor photoshoot wasn't an appealing task especially when being on time becomes too early, everyone wasn't there until half an hour later.

The morning in Hort Park was indeed beautiful and calming even though the pleasing weather didn't last long enough and peace was gone when I stepped on countless millipede despite being extra careful.

Ants were invading our photo shoot setting because of the honey and I was battling them under the scorching sun. It wasn't easy.

At last when everything is done, I was allowed to go off much earlier to compensate the morning.

I got off after lunchtime and spent my day with a long lost afternoon nap.

Sounds like I'm enjoying a good life? no, i didnt.

I had a bad day. A real long bad day which no one even bother to ask.

life has been...

2011-06-01T09:46:00.001+08:00

Quick update.

Passport collected (i wasted $8)
blue bg passport photo submitted
passport copy submitted
attachment ending in 2 weeks time
training start from ytd onwards and tml will be another session.
Practice Rhythm.
save money for china trip and also to the game arcade(omg, first time i actually intended to waste money there).
submit ic copy to alice with money for insurance.
buy presents.
meet zhaojie and omg! i just rmb i forget her jacket=(
Not surprising, I'm broke for the week again.

btw I have been jogging every sat for 2 weeks.
I know it is no big deal but its a great steps for me to set my feet on the jogging track.
I can barely complete 2.4km now, you know how bad that is.

reflect

2011-05-29T00:03:00.001+08:00

Quality time shouldn't be wasted on cold war with anger taking over.

It is the first time that even food doesn't help to appease.

What have we done to such precious moment?

Being angry and being foolish.

Someone just told me next saturday will be better.

I'm looking forward to it too.

oooooh, I'm trying to get NDP tickets.

i hope i'll get them this year.

2011-05-25T17:54:00.003+08:00

3 more weeks to go.

I have to submit the copy of my passprt soon.

Mind Mess

2011-05-20T01:43:00.002+08:00

Doubts whisper in silent night,

When unjustified actions pit against my initial will.

Gently building a barrier unconsciously,

what's ahead is still left unseen.

Have I become the one that I deny becoming.

2011-05-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

Spending more than half my day looking into the laptop,

each day counting down to 6.30 p.m.

each week counting down to friday,

each month counting down to payday.

One of my latest loot.

The promotional box is so cute.

Pantone solid coated color guide,

so much easier checking colours from here.

Taken the photos by my iphone.

It is impossible for me to work in an office, I need to move around.

MOVE! I WANT TO MOVE AROUND.

PAUL, FLEA MARKET, DAISO, XINGWANG

Out with the girls ytd, more pictures to come after they uploaded.

We really have to try our best to stay away from flea market! I spend so much money in a day, I need to master self control.

I'm looking forward to going china with them although there are still times that I wonder if I made the right choice signing up for the trip. I was the one persuading the girls to go but now I'm in doubt. Nevertheless, I'm very sure that it is going to be quite an experience for us.

I need to collect my passport soon too:)

By the way, I was smsing zhaojie the whole day and I came to a conclusion.

Past relationship will play apart in affecting one behavior in new relationship

but no matter what, we must know and believe no individual is the same and that all new chapter is a new beginning and I'm glad that I have my boy in my story now.

I often have insecure dreams, they hardly make sense or reflect anything in my life now, I'm an insecure neurotic ~~control~~ freak. (too much VD)

Jealous boyfriend can be quite cute to a certain extend at times.

2011-05-12T16:26:00.000+08:00

Side tracking from work now,
recently I have been easily distracted, I really find it difficult for me to focus while stuck in an office, I officially hate 9 to 6.30 office job which is hardly appreciated.
I know I'm not suppose to blog anything about internship so i guess i'll probably type a full page rant of how disgusting this particular person is, snobbish and unhygienic. He will do anything to prove to the world that chinese is slow and rude.

Other than that, I just bought instant coffee and some oreo.

2011-05-11T12:05:00.000+08:00

6th week and losing count, I tend to forget how long I've been on internship.
I have task to do, new task but there is nothing exciting about them at all,
sometimes I design them half heartedly knowing that for some reason, they will always pick the uglier one and even design that make neither sense nor effort.

Today, I reduce most elements to only brushes and types and simplicity shall be the main design execution throughout.
Also, keeping in mind not to copy the given label word by word because they are direct translation from chinese although they can be quite entertaining in this office that is so silent and confining.
So quiet I can hear stomach growling.

2011-05-03T10:45:00.000+08:00

It's the fifth weeks of my internship and I got to enjoy 2 long weekends.
I love long weekend, one extra day to help me recharge to strive further for the upcoming weekdays ahead.
Instead of staying at home to rest, I have spent all 3 days out and to the fact that all the activities are more physically draining as compared to sitting in an air conditioned office, my mind feel more refresh than ever especially the last 2 days, my virgin trip to Sister Island with my family and Get down(of course with smelly arnd).

The lush green and cooling sea breeze, clean water that allowed us to sea little fishes swimming around. My attempt to fish with smelly and my sister was so unsuccessful that make me wonder how smart the fishes are becoming, our bait is always gone after some minor tugs we felt and when we reel our fishing line back in hope that we have caught some fishes always ended up in pulling out seaweed instead.
I got no patience to continue after an hour so i turn to picking seashells and HERMIT CRABS.

hahaha.
okay, i got no feel to write about the my experience to sister island anymore.

So Get down now.

The standards for Cat 2 have raise to beyond imagination and seeing how well and natural dace steps can be achieved by experience dancers. I have a long way to go.
I was so greatly impress and suprise by Haqeem.
Not only i can feel him trying his best and giving all, he is talented and raw.
I cant imagine how well he will shine after some polishing, he will wow the crowd more than he what he did ytd.
Finalist at Get down for him is such a great step forward.
Now Im regretting for not joining but I will next year.

so now. Im back to work.

2011-04-11T15:28:00.000+08:00

Hi Monday,

you are back again.

Seems like it was yesterday when all good things happen.

Beginning of the 2nd week of attachment, I will be fine.

2011-04-08T18:32:00.000+08:00

Too busy lately.

Everyday is packed but i will survive.

2011-04-02T00:14:00.000+08:00

Tonight filled with disappointment, ive came to realize that what I was told is truth. I should never expect anything in my entire life.

2011-03-28T21:56:00.001+08:00

I feel ...
Why...
I'm feeling v incapable of making anyone feel btr right now.
I dont know if i make the right decision or am I just too selfish to spare a thought.
Useless and weak
I cannot take it anymore, I think I might want to run away.

you know, I've emotions too.

2011-03-27T18:07:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I'm going to register for driving lesson.
School start early on 4th April and that is so sad for me.
Year 3:(

Anyway smelly is back from Taiwan looking like Angelina Jolie, not the sexiness but the lips.
HAHA. He got burning lips because lip balm/moisturizer is too weird for him.

So now, he actually look like this.

I'm just joking, anyway that's the very huggable blue bird/angry bird he got me with his new NY cap.
2 boxes of sun cake and they are one of the best delicacies on earth.

Anyway

Have a good day

2011-03-19T21:54:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder, is my life boring or i just cant made my life look interesting.

I had my first lesson with my pri 4 little girl who is almost like a replica of my little sister,

she is so cute and sweet, a little playful too.

Her name is WenQi, she's quite smart and I think I'm quite please with what I've completed on my

first lesson.

2011-03-18T02:11:00.000+08:00

Great dinner and beautiful night with awesome friends.

I think we saw a meteor in the lonely night sky.

Pictures, laughters, fun and gossips.

I was still learning to adapt with poly life and had a really hard time finding people I can clique with.

Then they came and I got so use to the company.

Just when I've start to feel comfortable with poly, I'm year 3.

Time flies.

LOMO APP on my phone

okay, disgusting much down here.

Jvn, u kn I dn mean it whn i poke fun of u rgt?

2011-03-17T01:43:00.000+08:00

I have a question.

Each time when I have selfish, cruel or greedy thoughts in my mind,

will it be deem as a sin even if we do not commit them into actions?

I often have unpleasant thoughts about some people who I appear to

be nice to yet I don't really like them.

Am I the only one who is like this?

Why is it so difficult for me to actually trust and keep these thoughts away?

Anyway, today I met a girl with a lovebird.

It wasn't in pair. It is so comfortable with humans and it will stand on its owner shoulder

without flying away.

Best of all, it doesnt poo on people's back and it sleep in jacket.

SO CUTEEEEEEEE!

I think I want to get one too:)

2011-03-14T01:13:00.001+08:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY KARYL

Sorry that I wasnt the first few to wish you on the day itself but I promise this post is going to be long.
I'm not going to post any unglam photos up here because i know it can be rather traumatizing and i have been traumatizing you so much that you tried to escape every possible birthday celebration during secondary school days.
I rmb how we eat, talk, sleep, smsing, argue with teacher and get caught in class and all the fun and laughter with you arnd, late night sleep because we were chatting all night and sitting in front of the com surfing arnd, gossiping and reading blog abt ppl we hardly know. Shopping, sharing secrets, smsing each other so that ppl arnd wont know what we r thinking and giving out tips to one another.

Talking about boys and crying over jerk(past) and visit prata house whenever things(relationship) goes wrong. Being there for each other and the list goes on.
THIS IS WHAT BEST FRIEND ARE FOR and Im so lucky to have someone so hot like you to be with me through so much thicks and thins, staying together to figure our way out through all the uncertainties.

and this year, i wish you with all my heart that you will be as happy as now because I know you wont ask for much more except for a bright future in your studies ahead. I hope things will either remain smooth for you or even better. Hope you'll embrace your 19th with loves and rmb, we are nv getting too old. 19 is still young:)

2011-03-14T00:48:00.002+08:00

USS with baby, his bro, connie and kelvin:)

was suppose to b on tues but cockcock cock up.

it's somehow not his bad becos the day was rather unlucky for the usual lucky boy,

one of his belt on the roller coaster was faulty, he was lucky that the staff double check if nt, I'll have one lesser to bully:'( Even the seats on the 4D theatre was kinda stuck.

This is my first trip to USS and I can say it was enjoyable except the fact that waiting time is too longggggg and the queue for the Egyptian indoor roller coaster ride was deceiving, its empty outside but an endless queue in a maze inside!

PICTURES

far far away!

Eyebags and fat cheek:(

POLAROID<3

oooh smellyyyyy

With Connie!!

FUN DAY OUT and I want to go there again.

Gonna ask my cousin to help me buy the Betty Boop merchandise since she have discount.

HEHEHE

Thankyou for the wonderful trip out loves

2011-03-10T00:42:00.001+08:00

Times like this makes me feel empty deep inside.
Not because I have things missing in my life, I will describe it as not having a goal to look and work towards to.
My future that lies ahead looks rather bleak. Each time I try to picture it, I see nothing achievable neither anything to be proud of. So afraid that it will not be as comfortable and easy as what my parents have provide me.
Sine when have I been good at anything?

Nevertheless, Smelly will still b part of the motivation and I believe he will be in the upcoming chapters of my life. I'm thankful to have him around with me.

New blogskin

2011-03-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

Things to rejoice about

My blog look so much better nw as compared to the effortless design I lazily choose previously.

Made the banner myself and Im going to edit them again.

I still want it to look gd tho i only have a few readers and this is really satisfying.

Holiday is so far gd enough for me except the fact that Im going to be extremely broke.

Birthdays plus universal studio and the money I have to save money, I seriously have to learn to spend my money wisely, I haven been trying hard enough yet.

OVERDUE:)

I WILL BE LOOKING AT YOU CLOSELY.

2011-03-04T02:12:00.000+08:00

I am suppose to be aslp now after the goodnight call.
BUT IM ON THE PHONE WITH MY BESTIE NOW HOW TO SLEEP?
girls talk at night never ends early and we talk about beauty sleep -.-"
ok, not really beauty sleep but age.

IT CAME TO THE POINT THAT WE REALISE THAT
we are getting older and YEAR 2 JUST ENDED.
19 then 20.........30,40
omfg. i dont want to be old.
Imagine when people says the night is still young and you are even older than the night.
ohno.

2011-02-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

I AM OFFICIALLY A FREE GIRL NOW

Smellyyyyyyyyyy, holiday smell so near.

2011-02-22T00:33:00.000+08:00

Nd to gt our holiday soon

jadelzy having a wonderful time in thailand nw.

2011-02-15T23:03:00.003+08:00

My Valentine.

Speaking of valentine, my valentine went really smooth considering that the last few days I was rather upset with smelly but as usual, we talk things out and it end in a sweet note.

I was such a bitch to warn him not to ruin valentine and he is to plan the whole day solely by himself and of course, on my part I did shop for the gift with zhaojie and also alone, hoping he would find them useful:) my thinning hair almost went bald thinking of what to buy because it have to be very practical. hehe AND HE SAID NO WALLET FROM PUSHCART.

The day started of with a good morning breakfast at my house and rushing off to sunshine plaza to print my work then to MWL to buy some stickers that i ruin previously for valentine day card. okay, fast forward..... its gonna b v long. i hand in my work on time + the 10pages full report.

Good food at Jackplace for early dinner and night safari after a home movie/gift exchange.

I didnt expect to visit night safari on valentine, heh, too wild.

it was suprising and cockcock can be v romantic. HAHA

my fave, cheese mushroom and crabmeat? hmm. yumyum

so fortunate to have a ultimate cheese lover bf

First trip to night safari is so memorable<3

I LOVE YOU BABY!

smelly die cut the valentine day card, i love hand made card=)

2011-02-08T23:43:00.004+08:00

Today my day sucks except for the i met my best friend part.

I took the wrong train, go to the wrong stop and make the repeated mistake i think 4 fucking times.

I don't usually tell my love ones what i dont like or hope they will do for me so I usually keep quiet. I complain a lot abt people i dislike but nv the one I love because... ya right, love.

im sick and tired of the word love esp when it is overuse or nv mean what it is suppose to. I hate it when I can tolerate all the minor unhappiness/disappointment from ppl i care while they just keep talking abt my bad every single time.

You know during science lesson you might learn that in a food chain, the last animal which eat mildly contaminated food will have the poison accumulated in their body and affect their health eventually?

Yes, it is exactly like tt kind of thing i think im going through now.

What i want, never ask.

What i like?

if i dont say no one will know because people just fucking dont observe.

Im spoiled? NO!

I can have so much more than what i have now if im spoilt but i dont.

I hate it when I give in and what i get in return are comments abt what i nv do enough.

i have enough of this.

And hello? thr are many things i dont say it doesnt mean i dont mind. Things tt are ok with YOU is not okay with me?(this line sounds familiar)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

I am laughing at my life now because i feel like my life is such a JOKE!

i admit its pathetic and you dont have to feel sorry for me.

Go ahead and feel angry as you want because im alr very used to it.

Im not expecting anyone to treat me like a goddamn queen, all girls need to b pampered at times too. Dont tell me Im greedy or selfish because these 2 word keeps repeating so many time that i cant be bother to take them seriously.

ultimately, things are forever me, my fault, my bad and solely me to blame for all the bad things tt happen and tts the story of my life.

OHYA, it is possible to act like this post does not exist because i can do tt v well.

and on a lighter note,

im trying to collect the hello kitty figurines from some breakfast cereal but i only got the yellow one, twice

so anyone tt read my blog, if u have the other colours and dont want them, pls give them to me;/

2011-02-06T00:33:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

i wish all my love ones a happy new year, meet beautiful people, earn good money, enjoy happiness and health.

this year I spend my new year worrying about projects.

anw, i have to return my mom the red packet money because she wants it back every year.

in another word, the ang bao my mom gave away came from my sisters n I so she wont make a lost and we make no gain either... ok, maybe not much.

anw, my room is still in a mess after spring cleaning, i have clothes lying arnd my house.

wore heels for 2 days, now i can hop arnd and as usual chase after buses in them.

This new year doesnt feel much like a new year because most of us are working n missing.

Each new year, i feel more n more people leaving, new people coming in.

Feel like organising something major when i have time.

i miss days without anything thing to do, just need to eat sleep shop and dance.

I can dance in another one week time, physically fit to I meant.

heartache

2011-01-30T23:24:00.002+08:00

Idk why you will want to take a passing remark so seriously?

we joke among ourselves and i see no reason for you to b so agitated.

Who is nw the aggressive one that comment even more behind our back.

If we are wrong then u are not right too because you are constantly doing what u accuse us of doing?

i didnt want to post anything like this but think twice when you say us being abusive towards animals.

I AM A CHINESE

I DONT SKIN MY DOGS ALIVE NEITHER DO I SLAMMED THEM AGAINST THE WALL.

I DO NOT CHOP MY TERRAPIN HEAD AND MAKE THEM INTO JELLY.

you do not stereotype us, its not like other races NEVER abuse animal before.

unless you are a vegetarian and a strong animal lover, you have no rights to make such comment.

2011-01-27T00:08:00.002+08:00

Today is not a good day.

Its not just because of school work or stress, it's abt how forgetful and naggy I've become.

I spoilt the day.

Sometimes i just feel that i am so not worthwhile.

I dont like what i am doing nw.

Im slowly starting to dislike where I've been.

Tml will come too fast. i dont like it.

New shoes soak in the rain, not a good sight.

hey, you know i prefer to be like a little girl.

dont you feel like we are growing up too fast.

2011-01-24T02:25:00.003+08:00

A few days ago, I was pmsing and worrying a lot abt things which luckily didnt happen.

it got rather bad because i was slightly or quite suicidal, i know it dont sounds like how or what i will do but when nobody is around or i cant get the attention that i want, it just strike me.

sometimes life is just like how human predict 2012 will come or not.

we dont know what lies ahead tho.

if it comes, then too bad because i wont get to enjoy my life, married, see my children, work, travel, have my own house, my own car, earn my first millions and so on.

but if im more positive and see my cup half filled,

that also means i wont have to worry about money issues, raising my children, health issues, real workplace stress etc.

you know, it just fast forward everything and tada, gone.

Afterlife?

im still confuse if theres such things.

anw, what im trying to say is,

i shld stop thinking too much unnecessary irrelevant stuff that will kill my brain cell.

goodnight.

ioweshitloadsofwork.

2011-01-13T15:42:00.004+08:00

I haven write any new year resolutions because i think everything i wish for will be the same.

My life is mundane, no sparks no colours because im somehow contented.

Everytime i gets my hope held up high, it'll somehow fail because of my incapabilities.

I'm not able to make most of what i want happen every year but at least I know I've guts to give it a try.

So the same thing is going to happen this year & life get less comfortable everytime a year passed.

I forget to mention that i finally cut my hair this year and i feel good about it.

This could be a fresh start for something new then.

Ooh, i just check a special diploma thing ytd, $9300 for the course i wanted to join.

The price make me not even want to mention it, there's no education to be mentioned without having enough cash.

It makes me feel so repelled i can hardly look forward to anything.

Maybe i shld just start writing down all my anger and distress or else i will start complaining again. I feel sick of myself too but then again its so much easier for me to feel angry than sad.

Will learn to be independent, im a big girl now.

2010-12-08T23:10:00.004+08:00

Less than 10 days.

with more than half a year of sweat, time and everything else that pull us through.

Staying over in school to practice and clean up opening.

It's going to be so tiring, hopefully it will increase our chemistry dancing together for the big day.

I'm getting more and more restless.

Hectic days ahead till production and then off for a holiday.

No doubt, tons of homework will be welcoming me back and of course, deadline.

I've not start a single shit.

I miss some of my friends so much.

i wish i can spend more time with them.

Of course, a nice and simple movie day out with smelly will be good.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. need a day out.

2010-11-23T13:26:00.001+08:00

I'm worried,

Deadline is coming along with more full run, practice and rehearsal.

Can I handle?

2010-11-22T22:22:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wonder what am I doing all this time?

Slowly it feels like passion turn obligation, i miss out so many things in life.

Am I slowly losing what I used to love due to the environment,

Or is it because I'm growing up that make me see things differently?

I will find my answer soon.

2010-11-19T02:05:00.001+08:00

How about going to sleep so that nightmares end.

2010-11-19T01:35:00.005+08:00

Change the blogskin.

look more optimistic and viewable now.

It's a set theme but I'm working on with the top banner.

Im beginning to dislike projects now.

Ytd was a good escapre from sch with zhaojie and her new baby.

I've got new shoes again and my mom is mad.

I hope she doesnt put them on my bed.

Maybe i shld get one of this. So smelly wont eat my food.

HAHA

2010-11-15T22:34:00.006+08:00

I've tons to blog abt today, weird thoughts and also picture of my doodle and new found toy which I splurge quite a lot of my money on.

However after several attempts to load the pictures up, i finally succeeded at the 5th times. Hey blogger, same old problem you've got again.

Here's my new toy

I wanted to get this last year but i went out of stock. Hopefully this isnt the left over from the previous year. It's actually a gift set with over 180+ colours. Jv says i wont finish using all and i believe i wont be trying on many of the colours. If the cosmetic becomes old and dirty, i'll just use it for art and craft. HAHA. I've got a feeling it might work water colour paper.

The new Mac eyeliner, B recommended it. Good, dry fast and smudge free. The price is more affordable. I think have around 4 to 5 old eyeliner but they dont as work well. I'm thinking of helping my sis to do her prom night make up but I wont be able to make it back home in time.

I know talking about make up make me sounds like a bimbo but I do have thoughts to learn and master the skills. There are many other thing in my to learn skill list. Sewing, driving, hair styling etc. I might be able to start it off as a career and who knows, I might do btr than I expect. I can then be a smarter bimbo making money from the other bimbos.

It actually feels good to make things/people beautiful and making life beautiful is a challenge.

Time flies, its a month plus since school started and i haven got used to the lesson/ projects.

I've been missing friday lesson due to my poor body condition. Apparently my taste buds and stomach aren't coordinating, i get diarrhea from having too much spicy food.

I believe my attendant is already affected.

Halfway through the lesson, I started doodling because my brain is so dead. I went to my fav website. Its just plain doodling inspired. I hate monday lesson. Photo journalism will be fun tho but not the one after tt.

I was trying to do my backdrop design but the idea was rejected by subsub because she finds it too distracting. I get tongue tied during consultation, I dont understand why must i do things according to her liking and not take a risk to explore what can be done better.

In my opinion, I do understand where she's coming from but I do not want her to spoon feed me. It's grp work and my partner beg differ. Just playing safe which make me feel awfully constraint.

I want to work with the girls.

:( too used to working with them.

2010-11-14T23:45:00.001+08:00

Great afternoon, horrible night.

There's no use having the day start so beautiful but end so badly.

what a good conversation to even start with.

2010-10-31T23:26:00.001+08:00

Everything is unclear.

if only ........

i wonder why I am feeling so gloomy so suddenly,

can't catch the perfect word running through my mind.

Trying to tempt glutton

2010-10-26T02:04:00.000+08:00

smelly, this drink don't exist.

HAHA

2010-10-21T01:12:00.002+08:00

work is piling up and performance date is nearing, v near.

i need a balance in life, balance are like cheesecake with coffee.

2 sides complimenting each other, not too much of pressurizing work and not over spending my time just dancing, neglecting responsibility.

while I am having a hard time managing my time, bad things comes in set.

I went to a specialist check up without expecting myself to attend a minor opt today.

No anesthetic, it was so uncomfortable and painful.

I'm fine with blood but it's terrifying to consciously feel and look at surgical tools working on you.

It wasn't successful so i gotta go back for another scan and surgery, this time round on anesthetic. Nothing serious tho.

Met baby at Novena for dinner and photos taking for proj at the same time.

the shots wasnt good enough, gotta rely on joseph for the better ones.

The presentation is Monday, hopefully we can complete the task on time which i target a 90% done by tml.

Able to spend time is a bonus, I look forward to seeing my love.

However, I somehow turn it into an expectation, now his tired body have to stay up late for me because he have to send me home at late night.

Am I too selfish?

Best to start searching my independent back before its too late.

2010-10-19T01:11:00.003+08:00

3 assignments on the first day of school wasn't what most of you expect during poly life, my course of studies is nv boring but instead, I need to make it creative and so innovative that will draw everyone's attention solely to my product and that the worse part, we generate tons of ideas and face ideas rejection as a cycle to almost every module.

Not to mention, my first presentation is next month.

Panda candy given by shuwen:) so cute i cant bear to eat.

My first lesson started of well because my wonderful dad send me to sch. I wont have to sweat and rush to school. Advantage of staying near, i had my breakfast(which taste rather bad) even tho i woke up late.

Familiar faces which i haven seen for a month plus, usual lunch people. Everything is same same but diff. Got clarice's a hairclip during holiday but forget to bring it out.

Dance after school with lotsa laughter.

it never fail to make up my day. However I do feel ashame that I've nv excel in any dance i did.

felt so bad so let's not say abt having enough confident to execute a simple choreo.

This week, my timetable after class is going to be so bad, awfully bad.

Everything is so packed, need to b responsible in both class n dance, practices and project meetings.

Survival without babyboy Day 1.

13 missed call, 2 unread msg from him.

Got him waiting and im still dancing with the peeps.

Sorry Smelly:(

2010-10-18T00:48:00.002+08:00

Spend your holiday wisely.

I enjoyed my last holiday v much, this could b the best one throughout my entire life because i look forward to almost everyday knowing someone will b thr.

Thinking back, smelly and I had a full list of things to do together.

We've complete quite a few of them. Most of them got to do with eating.

Sometimes it gets scary or maybe more like a hard to accept kinda feelings knowin the all these days of fun and laughter is going to be over.

What have i done this holiday

-hit the 4 digits target amount of money i want to earn.

-have an awesome birthday

-spend quality time with baby

-meet my old friends

-lose weight(thanks to food poisoning)

-eat good food

-get myself a pair of new shoes

-getting daddy something

-go out with my family

-DANCE more(at least the last 2 weeks)

-meet new peoples(nice one)

- rearrange my new study corner

Another semester of school projects is coming up. I manage to pull my horrible gpa up. Hope i can make a huge different again this time round. Time to work and squeeze my brain juice out.

Busy days ahead. hope i can still make my way thru the tight schedules.

And i know,

He'll never fail to be there for me.

2010-10-12T15:47:00.005+08:00

There's a reason why i work part time and putting my Saturday unavailable for work but i just got a msg from the management saying there a meeting on 10.00 PM and ask me to cancel my saturday schedule because its compulsory.

I made it clear that my saturdays are not available during interview so I'm pretty sure I won't lose my job because of it.

However, 10p.m. meeting is ridiculous. Thought my body clock is messed up but I didn't knw others are more messed up than me.

OWLS FTW.

I just change my banner image but i can't align it properly.

2010-10-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone have flaws, we can't force ourselves to be perfect but we can force our self to improve as a better person.

today talk was good, truth, understandings and answers. All that we are trying to seek in life. They work like vitamins, having them makes our life healthier mentally. The meaning of them is much deeper than words and taking action is harder than what i thought would be easy.

I rmb those days when i check the time again and again for lesson to end so that i can rush of for dance prac, seeing my friends. At that time there was no judgements and self discourage. Everyone was happy, free and working towards a single goal. The goal gave us bond.

Juniors years are great because no one had heavy responsibility.

At times, we need to think child like, not childish.

Now I believe, we will soon be growing together again.

This time round, it'll be even better than ever.

2010-10-05T01:19:00.002+08:00

When 2 person are angry at each other, they will not listen even when they negotiate. All they usually do is to look/argue at each other mistake but only till they cool down, they will then try to listen & think.

It's easy for a third party to say chill/ forgive and forget, but it takes alot more for the involved people to accept because words can't be taken back.

As for me, the last time it happened was nearly a year ago, till now I still don't regard them as friends. Good for me, I hardly meet to see them but if i do i pretend i didnt. The sight of them still irks me. They don't share the similar passion as me.

But what if, they do and i have to see them often? I wonder how will things become?

Friends have limitation, we can't possibly depend on them too much and we can't force too much on them.

It goes back to self reflection, don't be too mad to listen to your own mistakes.

Don't push the others to the brink as well, give it a chance.

yaaaa. guess its still from the third party point of view so this post is still crappy.

I know it v well that its easier to b said than done and I dont really give in in such matter.

I even ruined numerous friendships because I'm too egoistic to talk things out.

It's not easy, never easy to end.

Why do troubles like this sparks so easily yet so difficult to be put down.

2010-09-18T00:52:00.009+08:00

Although i'm suppose to be slping right now for dance prac tml, i still cant help it but come to this space to update my life.

(maybe I'm just afraid of slping becos of the nightmare last night, had me woke up crying.)

I do enjoy this holiday, except for the fact that I dance v little for the past few months as compared last year.

Some things in life is getting worse but there are still things that keep getting better and happier.

I'm working part time at cotton on, i wonder if its a good thing.

$7 per hr and flexible working hour, it's considerably good i guess.

No school but I'm still sketching for leisure, working

part time, dance, waiting for the renovation at home to end, spending time with baby and family.

I've got a new backpack and a few pieces of clothes(gonna get more!) but no new shoes yet.

New study table with in built light box! daddy specially made one for me. lovee it!

(must try my best to keep it as tidy as possible.)

Ohya!

Babyboy made this for me. so cute so cute so cute!!

meeting baby almost everyday(altho sometimes its just for a short while) and zhaojie for the last 2 days.

Somebody is in love, I feel so happy for her right now.

My birthday is coming soon, my parents allow me to hold a party this year.

I invited some secondary school friends. Those that I haven been seeing for a long long time and those closer ones. Can't invite more if not i will. Space constraint and i dont really like the idea of having too many people from different groups arnd if not I cant handle.

I'm quite excited about meeting old friends and seeing how we have change since graduation.

Next time if i got more budget, I'll organize a bigger one with a dance floor so that most friends can come.

(getting greedier & greedier)

& first year is coming 2 days after my birthday.

& lastly,

the zodiac bk zhaojie n I read sucks.

How come it seems like it just want to curse us.

hmph.

The new lomo app on my iphone is so good to use.

Give me lomo pic without buying the camera, more to come people.

heehee

2010-09-01T00:08:00.002+08:00

watched Expendable today with Smelly.

lucky Jet Li didn't die first, i was wondering if the producer will make him die in the show first since he's Asian. I sounds a little racist i know but that's how i feel at first. He's too charming to be wasted anyway.

Walk arnd the whole day looking for things to buy for the photoshoot but nothing much caught my eyes, I'm wasn't really in the right mood anyway.

sometimes, i used word that i don't mean it.

I don't blame people when they misunderstand me because i know I'm bad at expressing,

not even close ones.

I've to admit that I'm sad and afraid, i can't help but feel so.

These feeling is so easy to trigger. I don't even know what's the reason behind it.

I think I am the my cup is half empty kinda people.

2010-08-13T14:58:00.003+08:00

This morning I was watching a show with mom.

The show is stupid, guess its film in the early 60s or something when coloured television first came to earth.

It's about a lecherous emperor who went out of the palace for some adventure, fell in love with a peasant girl then made her pregnant (apparently he just want to F her).

He promise to make her the queen which in the end did not happen and can't happen.

The girl waited in misery, gave birth and fell sick.

While falling v sick as said in the show, she manage to run to the wood to sing, swing her body to and fro and do some chinese dance.

She even went to the temple and sing in front of every statue to pray.

wtf is this.

so in the end when she's able to go to the palace and reunite with the emperor, she died of exhaustion.

Serve Her Right for being so dumb.

2010-08-12T01:04:00.003+08:00

Life is sometimes in a big mess,

who are they to judge? sometimes I feel that they are the lousiest batch of self obsess, arrogant son of a bitch/daughter of a dog. They are so judgmental for no good reason.

There's a thousand of reminders that keep telling me it's not their world I'm living in but soon enough they will be affecting me greatly.

Why can't god be slightly fairer. Why are they grant with such low EQ?

They speak rudely to their parents, they are inconsiderate, some of them are ugly BUT they are lucky. They own things that they totally don't deserve.

How come I feel, most of us are turning into losers soon?

2010-08-03T23:14:00.003+08:00

I thought i was paranoid but FUCK, it's showing symptoms.

This feeling is familiar because I felt it before 3 years ago.

Damn it, They are all the same.

It's breaking apart and you don't even know it.

Words, I can read but all the meaning seems to be drifting away.

2010-07-25T23:34:00.002+08:00

Friday was awesome

I think I'm a bad influence.

HAHA

a simple birthday celebration for sissy

Baby spent quite a lot on me, 3 digits in a day is way too much:X

at least for me.

and he goes hinting on what he would want to have but i think he got most of it alr.

Sat started badly but it ended well.

Dear couples,

I believe communication is the 2nd most important to love but of course LOVE is a big word.

Dance as usual is always enjoyable, How i wish it's holiday now and i can dance everyday.

Suki sushi with baby and my family.

I dont think daddy enjoy sushi:(

Brownie with ice cream for supper.

Sunday is the laziest day.

I practically slept the whole day and did a little of Studio project.

Need to rush my typography and i haven take any photos for brand design yet.

Im so dead now.

The following week is going to be killer.

Good luck SiYing!

10months in arnd 10 mins.

I am such a lucky girl.

however i won't get to see him at all because the school is sending him out

for event again.

thanks god friday was well spent.

2010-07-22T14:38:00.000+08:00

"i believe if i deposit a few loves each day
in ur heart
then it cud be used when im away during army
u can withdraw it
from ur heart
n every weekend i wud deposit somemore
so it nvr runs out"

Thankyou love.

2010-07-19T14:11:00.005+08:00

argh.

Getting more and more angst, so much so for a Monday.

The start of my day is horrible, i reach school on time but the lecturer stepped out of the class the moment i stepped in.

We waited for half an hour for her to get her breakfast, how nice.

The attendant was sign but still, this isn't much of a good start.

This week is going to be a war against time with so much in demand.

I feel like eating again

but no, I'm actually not hungry at all.

2010-07-18T12:29:00.004+08:00

Another Sunday and tomorrow, the cycle will start all over again.

The cool morning breeze greeted me, the first thoughts that strike my mind was to organize a to do list which I have to keep in order to complete my task on time.

I enjoy every second of yesterday, from the morning kiss baby gave, dance practices to dori's party and midnight movie. It feels complete even tho I was busy photoshopping pictures and designing a magazine cover to make a birthday card in the afternoon, at least it was something out of school context and totally stress free, I like that. Doing things at my own free will.

The birthday card i did...

The layout might not be totally perfect but its better that way sometimes,

I'm wondering how perfect perfect is, how beautiful is beautiful.

The number of pseudochic on the cover, why are they so highly rated when every girl herself should be her own stars.

This is so much of a thought for a Sunday.

I like weekends,

I hope they never end.

2010-07-07T22:09:00.003+08:00

i just sanitize my keyboard, one of the dirtiest object on earth.

just realise i do have a protector, almost forgot about it.

btw, my last 2 days of school sucks.

AI and PS practically on the screen the whole day, lucky I've completed what i need to show for studio project on Monday.

3 months of yr2 and second week of the term, I have arnd 5 projects on hand.

They squeeze my brain dry and I'm not motivated to do anything for MOW.

I NEED SOME MOVIE AND RETAIL THERAPHY FOR NEUTRALISE THE TRAUMA I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM THIS WEEK :'|

However from another point of view, school and FB have indeed make my life fuller.

The one big motivation is the trip to Taiwan probably after production.

The way overdue picture!

I miss secondary school days, gotta go off from Ruo Fan's birthday earlier so didnt get to see LLG. =\

Sometimes i feel,

I'm not looking forward to growing up.

2010-06-29T16:38:00.001+08:00

For everything i had I'm grateful.

I thought I was left with very little, but for the past few days I'm proven wrong.

Sorry for being so narrow minded.

Actually, just a few of them is enough to make me happy.

Give & take.

2010-06-14T13:01:00.003+08:00

Just when my parents is getting me everything i want,

I'm trying hard to give them what they want.

Most of the thing i have are not hard earned by me, instead its them.

Am i just a little too spoilt?

This holiday, Im going to clean up the house.

first stop of the day,

bed room and laundry.

I guess nic and zainul feel abit disgusted when i told them i haven wash the crew T-shirt i wore during competition weeks after.

I think im the messiest girl you guys have ever met.

Teehee

2010-06-04T00:08:00.002+08:00

No, it won't be.
I'm still a little lost.
I miss the good old days yet I am trying to change.
Am I alright?
They just keep haunting me, they kept building walls around me.
I feel confine, knowing it's going to be hard to breath.

Yet I don't struggle, never put up a fight.
Am I the one that trapped myself?

2010-06-02T00:26:00.004+08:00

i want a day

to go shopping, movie and sushi for lunch.

i want another day

to go on a picnic, fly a kite and take lotsa pictures.

but the only days i have

are filled with projects, projects andddd..... MORE projects.

tell me,

is my poly workload normal?

or is it just what im studying?

i have so much lying ahead of me.

& i dont know what's happening around me.

i feel togtogtogtog (i guess thr's only one person who knows what im trying to say) by people i used to be with, have i cease to exist?

tell me whats happening?

then thr's only 3 girls out there who make me feel that there are still good friends around.

i miss them so much.

& if i were to put their initial together, its

A.M.K

this post is kinda random.

i need some real outing soon.

p/s sucks to be grounded on sunday

2010-06-01T22:38:00.003+08:00

401

and the same old thing repeat.

tomorrow is going to be another cycle of what happened during the previous few week.

i dont know what is wrong with me anymore.

am i reaching the stage tt i have been trying hard to keep away?

i dont want to wake up tomorrow with the dreadful feeling greeting me.

2010-05-30T15:25:00.001+08:00

I.AM.STUCK.AT.HOME

WITH.NO.$$$$$

AND.NO.MOTIVATION.TO.DO.ANYTHING.

I.LEFT.2PART.UNDONE.FOR.THE.POSTER

I.HATE.STUDIO.PROJECTS.

OH.YA.IT.STILL.NEED.SOME.SURVEYS.

ARGHHHH!!!

2010-05-25T13:12:00.006+08:00

Need to learn to stop giving,

stop giving too much.

hmm. im waiting for june & August

for some reason, july isn't fun at all.

Crap, i have so much work to do this semester.

The class is rushing like some mad dog now

2010-05-25T13:12:00.003+08:00

My dogs on photobooth..

i want to bring them out soon.

LeLe(short fur) love taking photos. he have tons of good photo but the furball is seriously camera shy, its so difficult for him to be still just for a photoshoot.

bad dog. HAHA

2010-05-21T10:20:00.004+08:00

i woke up this morning feeling fat and ugly.

Then the itch and pain came back again, another day of struggle.

It makes me feel so frustrated, I feel awful and my temper turns real bad yet i cant vent it out.

Most blister subsided and some huge one pops out.

The sight of it make me feel dirty, can't i just live like a normal person?

Why do i have the feeling im going to die soon?

But every morning when i wake up, your morning msg will be there greeting morning to me.

It makes me feel better, at least it tells me that i have you.

2010-05-19T01:05:00.003+08:00

At this moment, i feel damn disgusted with myself physically.

Acne scars and rashes, infection.

WTF.

The last few weeks is really a series of unfortunate events.

Give me back what i am 1 year ago please, i want it back badly.

damn! Sleepless night.
I feel terrible right now as I'm suffering from a mixture of lost, Anger, emptiness, fear and sadness.
I want you so badly by my side now, I feel.... Alone.
I'm annoying myself.. really. But wat to do?
Ermm... PMS again?? I don't know.

How much do you people know?
Don't even try to say That you understand.
You will nv know how bad it feels to be invisible until when people needs your help.
Tell me about that okay?

2010-05-14T11:35:00.003+08:00

I am the worse choice to most, aren't I?

Now i have to learn to reconsider everything i said and everything i do just in case people point out my mistake and dwell into it.

There is a need to rehearse so that i put up a good show, not anything natural, not anything me.

The world dont need me. It wants a good show, a perfect non existing cover.

You will be like and love, if you can create the illusion.

But this freak me, it makes me afraid.

Just when i needed care, i have to look for it myself.

It dont just come to me, providing the warmth i needed.

Sometimes care have thorns, it will hurt me even more.

I am not right, i am just wrong.

Bad enough to kill me inside.

How come you dont understand, why dont you find out?

Am i changing for the worse or the better.

I just dislike what i am now.